The song is call: Bad Grammar by James at War, it’s a parody of some stupid rap song; basically, this song kicked that song in the teeth.

Also, this song should be in my Grammar Laws…

“We have no past, no future. And even if we did, it wouldn’t truly be ours.”

Dear Lord! He decided to instead listen to his stereo player, but that was indeed lost. He bellowed an alarmed “Huzzah!” as he went outside to find out what he had lost. It seemed that his ottoman has been burned and his wine rack sold for drug money… Ted now had a problem: Ted had no money. This was a problem that never plagued any other modern gentleman… so it seemed he was the first. He threw his monocle on the ground then quickly picked it back up.

“The end indeed,” He said to himself. “None of my other modern gentlemen friends have ever been plagued with this problem; no other modern gentlemen shall ever know my pain! It is a bad day to be a modern gentleman indeed. Indeed!”
“What’s all this then!” One of his modern gentleman friends bellowed.”It seems that me and Joseph were having a quest to your edifice when we met you out here with no money. ‘Tis a bad day to be a modern gentleman! ‘Tis a bad day indeed! Indeed!”

It seems that this is a great story indeed. No modern gentleman shall know of what pain Ted had to endure, no one except Old Gregg. It seems that one day Old Gregg was a great modern gentleman, until he lost all his money and was turned into a scaly man-fish. Hopefully, Ted thought, I will not turn into a scaly man-fish. Ted would find it great to ask Joseph for money, but Joseph, being the fine modern gentleman he is would not include Ted or Old Gregg in his will.

“‘Twas a sad day indeed when Old Gregg became a man-fish,” Joseph said briskly. “But we cannot include you or Old Gregg in my will! I only have a large fortune and I must give it all to my son. You are indeed out of luck. Indeed!”

But what did Ted do, he decided to right-space his text! This would cause a major disturbance in the force.

So, Joseph became infuriated! He did not enjoy right-format, he enjoyed left format… but he found center spacing to be an acceptable format. Now, Joseph had no choice but to take revenge upon Ted.

“You have caused it to be an even worse day to be a modern gentleman! A worse day indeed! Indeed!” Joseph stated with a badly drawn eyebrow. “You will rue the day you caused it to be an even worse day for a modern gentleman! A worse day indeed! Indeed!”

“I see not where you are going with this good sir!” Ted said sadly. “I am the one who is having the bad day! My bulky mansion is indeed ruined! Ruined indeed! Indeed!”

At this point Ted was impregnated with a feeling of intense grief; at this point he ejaculated many profanities upon Joseph. This caused him to have a heart attack… his dying words were:

“’Tis a bad day to be a modern gentleman! ‘Tis a bad day indeed! Indeed!”

At this point, Ted saddened by the loss of his friend who did not incorporate him into his will decided it was time to go to normal left format… this did not sit well with the producers, who were too busy making a Broadway production of Springtime for Hitler… so he had nothing to fear for the moment.

This story is not over; however, Old Gregg has yet to make an appearance! At this moment, Old Gregg busted through the window of the writing studio and punched some peach gelatin in the face! He became so infuriated that he decided it was time to destroy the Jell-O factory, he would then become the King of Michigan and take over the universe… but that is another story for another time!

Ted decided that he would become a writer, this is where Old Gregg would bust in, but that is in the dystopian future where wild coffee roams the halls and no one has their left eye.

“Indeed! ‘Tis a good day to be a modern writer! ‘Tis a good day indeed! Indeed!” Ted said to himself while writing this paper. “I shall be the captain of the Football Torm! Indeed!”

So, Ted then became the captain of the Football Torm… the only problem was there was no Football Torm, so he went back to writing this. He decided it was always a bad day to be a modern gentleman, but it was always a good day to be a modern writer! A good day indeed! Indeed!

He never really decided on an ending to this story, but it is implied that Old Gregg will cause the end of the universe with his chain-reaction punching peach gelatin in the face attack. This was quelled in the Yeast Uprising of 1987.

Indeed!

Okay, so a couple of years ago I used to mow people lawns for money, that was before I was tremendously fat like I am now(being fat is awesome), and I was asked to mow this guy’s lawn down the street. Now, this guy was scary, I mean really scary, I think he was a Vietnam war veteran or something, because he would sit in his house with some military hat on, and one time when I was going around getting pledge money for band, he opened his door and I saw a bunch of guns, I don’t mean just handguns, no, I’m talking hardcore automatics and stuff like that… I was scared.

Sure it was under lock and key, but it was in a glass case… glass is not going to stop someone from getting a gun… or at least it won’t seriously hinder them. Anyways… this guy was by all means a man to be afraid of, so my mom tells me that I was going to mow his lawn at 3:00 the next day and that he’d pay me a lot of money, somewhere around $50, which was an amazing amount of money for me to earn at the time.  So, the next day I went over to his house.

I had the mower started up and ready to go and started to mow. Well, about halfway through mowing, I notice this big hole in the ground… that hole was a bee hole. There were bees buzzing and flying about this hole. I don’t like bees, I’m allergic… so I decided I’d get some gasoline and burn those little suckers out of the ground. Well, I succeeded in burnging them out…  there were flaming bees aimed at me doing a  kamikaze attack… well, I got away from them in time not to get stung or burned, but that’s when I noticed something.

It seemed that this man’s yard was on fire, not a little ash, no, a big ‘ol fire, all over the place. I find his hose and start to spray, but I notice it’s just spreading the fire. My mind sort of keeled over… Why in Ted’s name was water spreading the fire!? Well, I figured it out, it seemed he has some fertilizer or weed-killer stuff on his hose… I took it off and slowly put out the fire. Well, let’s just say his lawn wasn’t in the best of shape when the fire went out…

 Thankfully he wasn’t home at the time, but when he did get home… he wasn’t the happiest person I’ve ever met. He was quite the opposite. I was scared, this guy had automatic weapons and was most likely in the military at some point or still is… he could have me killed for no reason if he wanted to… Well, I guess he went easy on me, all I had to do was re-plant his grass, and do a lot of yard work. That wasn’t a very good summer, but I still love to tell that story.

“We have no past, no future. And even if we did, it wouldn’t truly be ours.”